Storm Damage's closet full of skeletons

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Thursday, April 10th, 2008
12:39 pm - Live and learn...


In retrospect, offering a FREE AUDIT to potential clients in April might not have been the best marketing strategy.

Returned to sender...

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Saturday, March 29th, 2008
11:25 pm - I don't usually blog music I'm listening to but
I have watched this video far more times than is sane or reasonable today:



I was bored and re-watching American Idol and Ramielle's shrieking through this song prompted me to go Youtube the original. So goddamn awesome I couldn't stop watching over and over. Ann Wilson can sing her fuckin ass off. I also watched probably every other Heart video ever made.

This is to make up for the fact that they're actually playing here in Orlando tonight and I didn't go, because I'm too cheap to buy tickets to Universal Studios just for the concert. I considered going for the $100 annual pass for FL residents but I probably wouldn't go again the rest of the year so it seemed like a ripoff. $70 for the day or $35 for after 5, either way, just too expensive and not worth it.

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Friday, March 21st, 2008
12:42 pm
I'm going to go down on you and make you extremely happy.
Then I'm going to come back up and fuck you real hard.

Love,
Gas prices

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Monday, February 25th, 2008
10:21 pm - Prius is sooo sweet.
I finally filled it up last night.

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12:28 am - "Yeah, well your exhaust smells like ass"
Is what I said to the guy, in response to some quip or other he made in our direction as we walked past his stinky-ass SUV on my way out of the bar.

I got in my car, and not two seconds later, the dude has ran up behind me, opened my door, and reached in to grab me by the shirt, hit me and start choking me. I wrenched his hand off my throat and punched him good and hard in the face, and as I went to punch him again his friend ran up and got in my face to try to stop me, while the guy took another swing at me, so I punched his friend good and hard in the face.

A couple more faces got punched on either side before his friend got up off the ground and my friend got involved and the two of them broke us up, then the dude starts mouthing off and calling me a faggot for driving a Prius, and punched a big dent in my car. As my friend tried in vain to stop me, I walked over to his jeep and took note of the tag number.

After the dude peeled out of the parking lot yelling some retarded garbage or other, I called the police, waited for someone to show up, gave him the info, and pressed charges.

Motherfucker better realize he's paying for my body shop trip, because I ain't driving around a car I haven't even made a payment on yet, with some dent because an asshole couldn't control his temper.

What's unbelievable to me is why someone would get so worked up over such a stupid thing. I mean, all I did was say his exhaust stunk, and it did. It was some of the most fithy lawnmower-smelling shit I've been around in a long time. And the dude just ran up, opened my door and attacked me over it, like I'd raped his sister or some shit. I seriously stopped thinking about anything other than targets and motion, like time stopped and the kill or be killed instinct took over. If I would have been carrying my gun, I almost certainly would have shot him, and I'd have been well within my rights, too. What a waste.

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Monday, February 18th, 2008
11:56 am - I fainted.
It's happened before. When in a situation when I was in intense pain (for example, when I broke my leg), or seen someone else in intense pain (for example, when I witnessed a girl get run over by a car), I have felt queasy and dizzy, and briefly passed out. Seeing blood doesn't do it, it's more a case of witnessing injuries of the bone-breaking/crushing sort. This time, however, it was a very intense abdominal pain that set off the spell. Sort of like a hunger pain, but with the intensity dialed up about 100x. That was followed immediately by a wave of dizziness and then I blacked out for about 10 seconds.

The problem was, this happened while I was driving in rush-hour traffic.

I remember feeling dizzy, thinking "Oh shit I gotta get off the road," and maneuvering into a turn lane to do just that. The next thing I remember is hearing "You gotta get outta here, NOW!"

Coming to, the first thing I noticed was the smell of smoke, and looking up to see flames shooting out from under my hood. I realized what happened instantly, woke up pretty quick, and got the hell out of my car. From outside, it was apparent what had occurred during the time I blacked out: I went straight over a curb, up onto a median, and right into a tree.

I was completely uninjured by all of this.

I am most extremely grateful that I only hit a tree, and not somebody else.

And I've already been to my doctor, who thinks I might have an overactive adrenal gland, and took some blood for lab-tests, which I am still awaiting the results of. Hopefully we can find a way to prevent this from ever happening again.

My car pretty much burned up, and was ruined. I just bought a new Prius Saturday. The Prius is extremely sweet.

Let me reiterate: I was completely uninjured and am feeling fine. Just posting this here because I thought people might want to know.

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Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
1:08 pm - 5 (6 really) dangerous things you should let your kids do
I've been thinking that kids are way overprotected for years, and yet the "safety police" are never satisfied that you just can't protect everyone from everything, and things get taken to a ridiculous extreme. I've also thought that this trend for overprotection prevents a lot of good learning opportunities and renders the population more and more helpless over time. So I was really happy to hear this guy talk so eloquently on the topic.

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Monday, January 7th, 2008
5:18 pm - The BenderBrewer!
Hahaha so geeky, but yet so cool. How can this be? :iiam:

Bender: I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous.
Fry: Nah, you have a healthy glow.
Bender: *belch* Oh my god! I just felt it ferment!
Fry: Ooo! Let me feel.
Leela: Have you thought about what to name it?
Bender: I was thinking Benderbrau if it's an ale, Botweiser if it's a lager.
Fry: I hope it's a lager so I can take it to a ball game.


I suspect Andrew will appreciate this more than most.

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Saturday, January 5th, 2008
12:26 pm - This could be the best late-night news team ever...
Way to fill time on a slow news night!

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Thursday, December 27th, 2007
11:04 am - I forgot to write about this the other day...
But after telling the story to a few people and getting interesting reactions, I figure I should have.

So the situation was I was in the big Mall at Millenia last Saturday (yes, 3 days before Christmas) and it was naturally insane with the crowds and stupidity. As I was walking along the packed hallway, I see people ahead of me dodging out of the way to avoid being bowled over by a little chinese girl careening through the crowd at rocket speed on a pair of heelies. As she passed by me, I stuck out my arm as if I was reaching for something and cleanly clotheslined the bejeezus out of her. her skates flew up at least 3 or 4 feet in the air and she landed with a good whump flat on her back. She looked up at me in shock and bewilderment, with the wind completely knocked out of her, and I said "Oh! You should be careful and watch where you're going! Slow down in a crowd" and several of the people who were still catching their balance from her rough passage laughed.

The folks in the bar looked at me like I was an animal for doing this, but everyone who was there thought it was pretty funny, and it's not like she didn't have it coming.

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Tuesday, December 25th, 2007
2:05 am - Sing along with me everybody!
I'm dreaming of a wet Christmas...
A Florida winter at its best...
with rooftops dripping
while eggnog sipping
drinking in the morning mist...

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Thursday, December 13th, 2007
2:07 pm
This is the gold standard to which all other movies should be held up.

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Thursday, December 6th, 2007
10:46 am - Things that are unusual, but it would be cool if they weren't...
Dude behind me in the drive-thru at McDonald's was riding a horse.

PS. No, Kevin, I did not start the train wreck in Longwood today

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Sunday, November 18th, 2007
9:43 pm - A new campaign
We met in the city of Thom, a bustling cross-roads trading post with a thriving metal-works industry supported by miners in the nearby mountains. I played Father Benn, a plump, red-faced cleric of Pelor. Evan was Vorgon Hammerstone, a manic dwarven fighter of questionable sanity, but unquestionable prowess with an axe. Alex's character was Aramel Nightbreeze, a bow-specced night elf hunter, er, I mean dead-eyed elf ranger. Jackie's elf wizard, Aquil, rounded out the party with her powerful magic, and not insignificant skill with the bow.

What followed was a strange business, indeed.Collapse )

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Sunday, November 11th, 2007
7:34 pm
Some of my old neighbors when I was a kid clued me in that they got a big pickup flag-football game every Sunday morning at the local middle school, so I went out today to see what was up. It was pretty cool. I didn't realize these guys took it seriously. I was the only person out there without cleats on, but it was so dry on the field I had plenty traction without them. The teams were good-sized at 9 men each, and we played full-contact on a full-size field. No tackles of course, but on the line there were plenty hits. I was called, at different times during the game, "the steamroller," "a freight train," and "Amtrak", mostly in jibes teasing another old friend from the hood who was having a hard time against me on the line. I got 1 sack, and pressured a shitload of bad throws, and had a great time. Good workout, and now I'm sore as shit, but I'll definitely head back up there next week. Guess I should go pick up a pair of cleats.

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Monday, October 15th, 2007
1:52 pm - Heartbreak in the Bahamas, but I have a sister now!
Justin and Alexis tied the knot Saturday afternoon in a beautiful and intimate ceremony at Sandals resort in Nassau. The Reverend did an excellent job and included all of the immediate family present (Both pairs of parents, both brothers on our side, and both sisters on her side...regrettably her two brothers couldn't attend) in a very personal way. They're finishing up their honeymoon until tomorrow and will move into their new condo on Wednesday. I had a great time in the islands and I'd really like to go back and spend some more time out there. It was my first time to the Bahamas and I fell in love.

Actually, I fell in love with more than just the islands, sorta. The first day I was there, we headed straight out to the beach, where I met a goddess from Edmonton who was so beautiful my eyes nearly popped out. She started talking to me, asked if she could borrow some of my sunscreen, asked me to put some on her back (did I mention how hot she was? She was rocking that bikini like a magazine swimsuit model). We swam in the ocean for a bit, talked about places we've traveled to, and how silly it is that Americans aren't allowed to visit Cuba. She was just really friendly and seemed pretty into me (later my brother told me that as she was leaving she told him how nice she thought I was) but she was due to leave for Miami the next morning. I was doing much better at holding up a conversation than I normally do with pretty girls, but like an idiot I neglected to ask her out to dinner that night, or at least get her email address to contact her again later. Just two ships passing in the night...

Maybe our paths will cross again someday, but if not, C'est la vie.

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Wednesday, October 10th, 2007
8:48 am - Oh Gaston
Indeed, dirty penis does smell bad.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2007
12:20 pm
After reading the reviews on this shirt, I don't see how any man can not get one.

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Saturday, September 29th, 2007
10:45 pm - Do you want your possessions identified? (y/n)
I decided to give Nethack a try again. God damn this fucking game.

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Monday, September 24th, 2007
3:05 pm
It warms my heart to know that there are some brave adventurers out there willing to help a crotchety old wizard complete a dangerous quest at a moment's notice.

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Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
11:04 pm
what the hell

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Saturday, September 22nd, 2007
1:30 pm
This lawsuit is going to be epic. I can't wait to see how it plays out.

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Friday, September 21st, 2007
2:50 pm - Things I think about...
I was reading up about the prosecutor who got busted for trying to rape a 5 year old. Apparently he tried to hang himself in jail. I wonder who stopped him and why. Why would the government act to prevent someone from taking responsibility for their actions and voluntarily accepting the ultimate penalty for them? Hell, you'd think the State would be happy to avoid a long, costly, public court battle, and subsequent years of expensive feeding, housing, and guarding of a prisoner, should they obtain a conviction, when the guy is perfectly happy to off himself and be done with it.

I think not only should the government not try to prevent prison suicide, but they should provide a courtesy noose in every cell, so prisoners have the option to off themselves quietly and safely.

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Thursday, September 13th, 2007
6:06 pm - Overheard today
"I'm calling for Mr. Majooskey, and I'm sorry if I mispronounced your last name but..."

When she hung up from leaving her voice mail, I looked over. "You know, I'm willing to bet that guy's name is pronounced mah-YEHV-skey. Is it spelled Majewski?"

"Yeah, I have no idea how to pronounce this."

"It's Polish. They're all fucked up."

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Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
9:36 pm - As I took a shit, it occurred to me...
When one is shitting, one is not "taking" anything. How can I say I took a shit, when in fact I was giving a shit.

Now that I have seen the flaw in everyday parlance, I have no choice but to correct my language accordingly.

I will never again take any shit, I will only give a shit.

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Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
11:29 pm - God dammit, since when can cats vomit?
Does anyone know where I can find an owner's manual or basic troubleshooting guide for one of these things?

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Monday, August 27th, 2007
10:31 am

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Thursday, August 16th, 2007
1:03 pm
If you love me, mail me something, then post this in your own journal!

John Sweeney
133 Rabun Ct
Sanford, FL 32773

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Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
5:09 pm - I've never leveled up
But I did rock the fuck out last night. ledraymore came over with his guitar and we played a bunch of songs that we either already knew, or had easy tabs for from internets. He played, I sang, and when we took breaks and talked, often he'd start strumming and we accidentally went into artistic synchronicity mode. The first time, as I went off on a rant about politics, he composed a perfect guitar accompaniment to my speech, and then later, while we were talking about the difference between learning new skills in real life and buying proficiencies in D&D, he started a chord progression and I just started singing a whole song around the idea of never getting to level up in real life. It was cool, but I'll never remember any of the words or be able to create that moment again. You just had to be there.

Maybe next time he comes over I'll set the computer recording or something. Impromptu jam sessions are fun.

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Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
5:57 pm - The Japanese Tradition - Origami
Jamie, this one's all for you!

Difficulty Level 191: Angkor Wat

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