Storm Damage's closet full of skeletons

> my skeletons
> criminal record
> accomplices
> My Website
> psychological profile
> older skeletons

Sunday, September 26th, 2010
11:24 am - Into the darkness...
Before descending to the burrow beneath the Riverrun warehouse, we dispatched Emma to report back our findings and intentions to Leoben in the Capital. Then, after a quick respite, we said farewell to Riverrun and dropped into the darkness.

The tunnel was hand-dug, and quite large. We followed what appeared to be the tracks of a small band of kobolds carrying a heavy load. While we could not determine what their burden was, we could see their footfalls left prints much deeper than a small creature would make, and there were bits of coal littering the ground behind where they had walked. We came across a single kobold who attempted to flee and warn its comrades, but an expert shot by Dox felled and silenced it.

When we finally found the other end of the tunnel, dawn was approaching. Outside, behind a pile of boulders, we could hear arguing over spoils, and Dox crept close to observe what was going on. He quietly waved us forward to see a large ogre in the center of a small campsite squabbling with another kobold worm-priest over some food or such that the kobold insisted was for Kos. As we planned an ambush, Unimportant stumbled upon the rubble and alerted the monsters to our presence. As a few more kobolds darted out of tents, we leapt into action. As the rest of the party shot down the kobolds from afar, I engaged the Ogre, and suffered a massive blow from its club. As I endeavored to regain my wits, my comrades dispatched the other creatures and helped surround the massive brute. Finally, I hove my axe deeply into its leg, felling it like a tree. We piled the bodies among the boulders, mounting the ogre's head atop its club as a warning to any more of Kos' minions that might find our handiwork. Then we made camp for the day and night, resting before following the trail of heavy footfalls and dropped coal to the east, toward the dread fortress Fang's Keep.

On the second day, we overheard the jeering voices of hobgoblins engaged in mischief, not far from our trail. detouring through the wood, we came upon a group of them on a riverbank, baiting a shackled unicorn with wolves. The sight of the magnificent animal reduced to such suffering ignited a fury like fire in me, and I urged my comrades to attack immediately. Needing no further prodding to come to such a righteous rescue, we all blazed forth from the thicked, catching the barbaric poachers completely unawares. The first fell almost immediately to Dox's ruthless assault, but the other two loosed their wolves and retreated back to harry us with spells and arrows. Again I almost fell, both to the shaman's magic and the hunter's arrow, but I kept my resolve firm. As we dispatched the wolves, Unimportant engaged the shaman in a battle of sorcery, and I charged the hunter, anger driving me to cleave him nearly in twain. Our witch subdued their shaman, and brought him to me for questioning, as she and Aislin tended to the unicorn, releasing it from bondage. The ladies drew lots for the shaman's magical staff, and Aislin claimed it.

My heart lifted as the great beast shook its mane free from the chain, and thanked us as he lept through the feywild to the opposite riverbank, and galloped off. Truly it is moments such as this that justify all of my grim labor to bring the Queen's Law to the forest domains. I was moved to pray a thanksgiving at that time, so grateful was I that our rescue was successful.

As the ladies drew lots for the shaman's magical staff, I turned my attention to the prisoner, seeking to learn if he was also connected to the wizard Kos, and where his warband was camped. Unfortunately, he held his tonge with bitter resolve through my aggressive interrogations. Finally growing weary of the fruitless questioning, I delivered his soul to the forest spirits for judgment. I doubt they will look more mercifully on a poacher of unicorns than I did.

As we settled down to rest, the spirits of the glade came to the sound of Aislin's singing, bringing to us water and sustinence, clearing soft beds of grass and moss for us to lie on, and they watch over us even now as we relax. A careful examination of the hobgoblins tracks indicated that they may have come from further east along the same trail we've been following. In the morning, we shall continue to explore it, all the way to Fang's Keep if necessary. I am more resolute than ever that Kos be brought to justice and peace restored to the forest queendom our fathers have labored so long to build.

Treasure: +1 staff, 2x 100gp gems, 200gp coins
XP Start: 2715
XP Gain: 388
XP Total: 3103

(Dig through 2 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Monday, August 30th, 2010
6:12 pm - A Captain of Elendhen
I thought I'd post my character sheet for the campaign I'm journalling, and a little background about my character.

Moth Carandae grew up the son of a Duke, and is steeped in the ways and manners of the Elven nobility. He is extremely conservative, confident and self-righteous, although he has the sort of charming personality that allows him o carry these traits admirably. He is passionately lawful, and dedicated to expanding the influence and glorious legacy of the Queendom of Elendhen, and, since the death of his Father and the inheritance of his title, the position of his own House within the Queendom. Since the recent death of the Crown Prince, he has been quietly calculating his odds of making an eventual bid to inherit the Throne...

CREATION NOTES: We were instructed to make level 3 characters, with starting (level 1) treasure (but were allowed to fudge over that limit a bit for some mundane supplies).

Moth Carandae @ level 3

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Sunday, August 29th, 2010
2:54 pm - A Bloody Trail...
This is the War-Journal of His Grace, Captain Moth Carandae, of the Elendhen Royal Advance Guard, relating events of our latest campaign, DM'd by Sergio, and played by Shannon, Jackie, Tara, Daniel and myself.

Leoben the Royal Spymaster of Elendhen has recruited me to lead a small band to investigate and retaliate against marauding bands of Kobolds who have been plauging the Queendom's trade-roads. These Kobold attacks have been growing in frequency and dispersion, even as their strength has spread out to commit more attacks while dispsersing their numbers and making it difficult to engage them in a decisive battle.

Our band consists of Myself, Aislin, a shape-changing court spy who reports to Leoben, Emma, a worthy half-elf soldier-chaplain who served with me on our last campaign, Dox, a half-elf layabout of dubious upbringing and character, and Unimportant, a witch descended from the ancient Fiend Empire.

We are ordered to masquerade as a small trade caravan to Riverrun, repelling any attacks we come across along the way. Once in Riverrun, we are to meet with Gregor the Watch Captain and ply him for information and clues as to the movements and objectives of these Kobolds.

Along the way, we are set upon by a band of Kobolds, which we put to the sword. One of the beasts escaped, and two were captured alive. We interrogated the prisoners, who claimed they received orders from a wizard named Kos, and that their organization had infiltrated the town of Riverrun. They also confessed to multiple robberies and murders before their ill-fated attempt on our wagon, so after conscripting them to bury their accomplices, we executed them.

Once in Riverrun, we noted teeming activity around the docks, where huge stacks of lumber and tools were being moved about the city's industrial district. After washing off the grime and filth of the road and battle, we presented ourselves to Gregor, who had little info on the Kobold's activities, and little more about the suspicious boom in construction materiel in his town, although he did mention a new gang in town, known as the Mudlarks, that we may want to investigate. I made a mental note to report back to Leoben on the state of Gregor's Watch, which is clearly overstretched and unable to manage a growing port town without additional good men.

Gregor pointed us in the direction of the Salty Mug, where we met his friend Reginald, and procured rooms for our stay. Reginald knew of the Mudlarks, although he said none were in the inn that evening. I got a description of their colors and leader, then we caroused in the common room for a while, meeting another gang of ruffians known as the Ravens. We also befriended a team of dock-workers, who accepted Dox and my application to join their crew for the morrow's labors.

The next day, we broke our backs under the sun, hauling beams of stout lumber and crates of what appeared to be mining tools to where a team of dwarfs was hauling them to an unmarked warehouse. That evening, we returned to the warehouse to investigate.

Aislin scouted the building for us, and then Dox quietly picked the locks and gained us entrance. We caught the unfortunate monsters completely by surprise. A shaman of some sort was performing a ritual that seemingly transformed one of the kobolds into a dwarf. We slew them all, including several elite guards, and a guardian drake they had on watch.

They had little in the way of treasure, but a quick survey of the warehouse revealed a trap door under a table that leads down into freshly-dug tunnels. We are now preparing to descend and investigate...

Region: Elendhen Forest Road and Riverrun
Treasur: NONE :(
XP Start: 2250
XP Gain: 465
XP Total: 2715

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010
1:39 pm - With thanks to SmejWorth...
Half a honeyed chicken, a roasted onion, dripping brown with gravy, bread, and two of those little fish, and a mug of that good dark beer to wash them down. Some bacon. Burn it until it turns black. Bread and fish. Strong black beer to wash it all down. Steaming joints of meat and thick black sausages and blood pies, fruits and sweetgrass stews and delicate pastries. I will eat all the lemon cakes. Rack of lamb baked in a crust of garlic and herbs, garnished with sprigs of mint, and surrounded by mashed yellow turnips swimming in butter, salads of spinach and chickpeas and turnip greens, and bowls of iced blueberries and sweet cream. Pig, apple in its mouth, skin seared crisp. Meat and onions, with lots of garlic and hot peppers. Five suckling pigs, skin seared and crackling, a different fruit in every mouth. The crisp skin crackled, and hot juice ran from the meat. Six monstrous huge aurochs roasting basted with butter and herbs until the meat crackled and spit. Benches, piled high with sweetgrass and strawberries and fresh-baked bread. A thick soup of barley and venison. Salads of sweetgrass and spinach and plums, sprinkled with crushed nuts. Snails in honey and garlic. Sweetbreads and pigeon pie and baked apples fragrant with cinnamon and lemon cakes frosted in sugar. Great joints of aurochs roasted with leeks, venison pies chunky with carrots, bacon, and mushrooms, mutton chops sauced in honey and cloves, savory duck, peppered boar, goose, skewers of pigeon and capon, beef-and-barley stew, cold fruit soup. Twenty casks of fish packed in salt and seaweed; whitefish and winkles, crabs and mussels, clams, herring, cod, salmon, lobster and lampreys. Black bread and honeycakes and oaten biscuits; turnips and pease and beets, beans and squash and huge red onions; there were baked apples and berry tarts and pears poached in strongwine. Wheels of white cheese, flagons of hot spice wine and chilled autumn ale, some salmon, the boar, a dish of goose-in-berries, and a huge lobster, boiled beets and buttered turnips. A crust of a hot pie, a steaming plate of lampreys, pears poached in wine, tiny savory fish rolled in salt and cooked crisp, and capons stuffed with onions and mushrooms. Great loaves of brown bread, mounds of turnips and sweetcorn and pease, immense hams and roast geese and trenchers dripping full of venison stewed with beer and barley. Trays of pastries, cream swans and spun-sugar unicorns, lemon cakes in the shape of roses, spiced honey biscuits and blackberry tarts, apple crisps and wheels of buttery cheese. A loaf of bread, hollowed out a trencher, filled with fish stew. A succession of fish stews, black bread, and spiceless goat, an onion pie, peacock and lark's tongue.A tart, stuffed with chopped nuts and fruit and cheese, the crust flaky and still warm. Baskets bread and tarts, cold slices off a ham, rabbits basted with honey. Butter and cheese, sweetcorn in the husk, eaten hot right off the cob, a chicken leg and a bit of onion, bread, barley stews with bits of carrot and turnip. A thin stew of barley, onion, and carrots, with a wedge of stale brown bread. A piece of ripe blue cheese, a wing off a capon, a bowl of purple olives and onions drowned in wine. A creamy chestnut soup, crusty hot bread, and greens dressed with apples and pine nuts. Lamprey pie, honeyed ham, buttered carrots, white beans and bacon, and roast swan stuffed with mushrooms and oysters. Broth, a salad of apples, nuts, and raisins, Crabclaw pies followed the salad. Mutton roasted with leeks and carrots, served in trenchers of hollowed bread. Goat cheese served with baked apples. She fed me crackling and I licked the grease off her fingers (absolute fucker), thick slices off a roast. Sweet cakes and honeyed wine, a thin leek soup, a salad of green beans, onions, and beets, river pike poached in almond milk, mounds of mashed turnips, jellied calves' brains, a leche of stringy beef, lamb and olives, unborn puppies, honeyed dormice and other such delicacies. Flagons of milk and flagons of mead and flagons of a light sweet golden wine. Dornish eggs, fruit and fish and honeycakes, a creamy soup of mushrooms and buttered snails, served in gilded bowls. A pastry coffyn filled with pork, pine nuts, and eggs, sweetcorn fritters and hot oatbread baked with bits of date, apple, and orange, the rib of a wild boar. Bowls of blandissory, a mixture of beef broth and boiled wine sweetened with honey and dotted with blanched almonds and chunks of capon. Buttered pease, chopped nuts, and slivers of swan poached in a sauce of saffron and peaches, skewers of blood sausage, a leche of brawn, spiced with cinnamon, cloves, sugar, and almond milk. A slice of hot pigeon pie covered with a spoon of lemon cream. Quail, venison, and trout cooked in a crust of crushed almonds, roast herons and cheese-and-onion pies, crabs boiled in fiery eastern spices, trenchers filled with chunks of chopped mutton stewed in almond milk with carrots, raisins, and onions, fish tarts fresh from the ovens, served so hot they burned the fingers. A double helping of honey-ginger partridge, several cups of wine, roast boar, a fine light mead and well-crisped hens. A froggy stew, sausage, a dozen oatcakes with pinenuts baked in them and some with blackberries. Hardbread, moldy cheese, and smoked sausage, a loaf of black bread and mutton, cooked in a thick broth of ale and onions. Peacocks served in their plumage, roasted whole and stuffed with dates porridge and apples with a horn of ale. Morning bread, with butter, honey, fruit, and cream, a bowl of purple olives, with flatbread, cheese, and chickpea paste, beets and bread and bloody beef with a flagon of Dornish red. A bowl of hot crab stew, some hot fresh bread and a cup of wine as well. Oaten porridge, pease porridge, and salt beef, salt cod, and salt mutton, eggs and butter and melons, all sorts of tasty things. Greasy sausages, fried bread, baked clams, a helm full of blackberries, loaves of crusty bread still warm from the ovens, crocks of fresli-churned butter, honey, and a thick stew of crabs, mussels, and at least three different kinds of fish. Fried eggs, fried bread, bacon, and some blood oranges, a wedge of cheese, a heel of bread, a dried apple, and two chunks of flaky fried cod in a square of cloth.

"I'm not so fat as I was before," Sam said defensively.

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Sunday, March 7th, 2010
11:02 pm
I didn't think it was possible for The Big Lebowski to be improved upon, but I just discovered "Two Gentlemen of Lebowski":

"Nay! I do protest, and draw my sword;
It shall teach thee to disobey my word.
Mark none but none into that bowler’s frame,
Else thou shalt enter into a world of pain.
A world of pain, think upon’t; unhappy world!
A lake of fire, rich with damnèd souls,
Gulfs of anguish ‘twixt vales of agonies.
Mark me; we stand at twisted, jealous gates
Of cast-iron, above which, in vulgar tongue, reads“
Here is a world of pain, thou enterest thus.”
My steel before thee, ‘tis the last of keys
That might could lock these doors, and keep thee
From this world of pain, or with one flick
Ope its mashing maw, and summon winds
To cast thee down within; an excellent key!
Farewell to earthly delights, farewell to friends,
To fellowships and follies and amends.
The choice to spare thy passage through these trials
Is thine alone; take heed, I entreat thee,
And turn thy back upon this world of pain!"

That rug really tied the room together

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Saturday, September 19th, 2009
9:23 pm - A week with my new Pre.
I went to NY last week, and lost my BlackBerry Curve (best I could tell it fell out of its holster while riding the Cyclone at Coney Island). I'd been planning to hold out until October to jump from AT&T to Verizon and get one of those new Motorola Sholes Android phones, but this forced my hand, and I had to shop fast. Needed a new phone in a day. My requirements were WiFi, 3g, a good dev community, and a clicky hardware keyboard. I tend to type long emails on my phone and I simply refuse to do it on a sheet of glass. That ruled out iPhone, but left me with Android, Palm and RIM.

The 3g/wifi requirements meant Bold was my only option on BlackBerry though, and not only is it a very bulky device, but it's also very expensive, and for it's price, doesn't even have a touch-screen. I guess the size makes it nicer to type on, but the trackball interface leaves a bit to be desired, especially for browsing.

The only Android slider available is still the G1, which is getting a bit long in the tooth, lacks a headphone jack, and I just wasn't sure about being on T-mo for 3g.

I'd heard horror stories about Sprint's customer service, but pretty good things about their network, and one of my clients, who is a very demanding guy to do business with uses them for all of his employees mobile phones/aircards. I'd also been looking with covetous eyes at the Pre earlier this year, and I loved the hell out of my Tungsten T2 several years ago before I got in to my Curve (which I also quite enjoyed for what it was), so why not. I decided to become a Palm owner again. I stopped by a Radio Shack in Brooklyn the next morning, signed the contract and ported my number. They said it would take 24 to 48 hours for my number to actually start ringing on the phone. Something like 24 to 48 minutes later, the phone rang. It was my mother. Go figure.

I got the phone with about 50% charge on the battery. Needless to say it was completely dead within about 2-3 hours and I was walking around town the rest of the day with a brick in my pocket. I figured it probably just drained the bottom half quickly or I read the meter wrong, and a full charge would help, so I charged it completely overnight that evening, and the next morning, I left my buddy's apartment about 11am with a completely full charge. I barely talked on the phone at all that day, but used gmaps a bit to get around town, wrote a few texts, answered some emails, checked my facebook, etc, and by the time I got to the Yankee stadium at quarter to 6, it shut down for lack of power. I used to be able to let my Curve go without charging for 2 days before it ran out of juice. I was fuming.

Also had my first experiences with the Pre camera. Love the picture quality in general, don't love the interface. No options for changing white balance based on light conditions (even the crappy blackberry camera had that), and the facebook upload interface is crap. It just dumps pictures into the mobile upload gallery with no captions or tags. With the blackberry facebook app, you get an upload confirmation screen that lets you caption pics, add tags to them, and choose what gallery to put them in. This screen is accessible from within the facebook app, or as a menu item from within the blackberry photo browser, or from the camera itself, immediately after you snap a picture. It's extremely convenient. Palm really should implement something this simple in a future WebOS update.

Checked the internet that night, turned off GPS, set screen brightness all the way down, tuned down my email timers, set my roaming on, and the next day I went in to airplane mode every time I went underground, and made it a whole day of touring the city, and got home just as I was losing power. Also noticed in my surfing the night before about Pre price change, stopped by Radio Shack and got $50 refund, as I had bought it the day before that went live. Starting to really like the basic interface and apps, wishing I wasn't so busy vacationing that I could spend some time surfing the official and homebrew app catalogs for some cool stuff to install, but come on, I'm in NY, who's got the time? (which is ironic because what I really needed was AccuWeather, Where, and the MTA Map apps).

Managed to find time to get a few official apps installed while in NY, I think weather, Pandora, Tweed and some games, but decided not to bother with the homebrew scene until I got home and could really play with it. Got a bit of reading done on the subject and was starting to get excited though. Great scene, and looking good. Seems I got this phone at exactly the right time. Things just heating up and getting good.

Got back to FL and got WebOSInstall running, installed FileCoaster, AHS (which wasn't quite as awesome as I was hoping, but I've got good future expectations for...seems to be going in the right direction, because the basic home screen is way too empty), some games (Reversi, which is great but too easy, PreJeweled, Zork), FriendsFlow, MyQ, drPodder...All looking good. Battery is still an issue, and I have to make sure I plug in somewhere once a day. Not going underground on trains helps, but I still do a lot of driving, so I ordered a car charger, and I'll be hooking that up whenever I'm in the car. I never ever had to worry about charge on my Curve, and I could be flagrant about app use, running Pandora like a fiend, or whatever, but on the Pre I find I'm not as eager to stream media because I'm guarding my precious amperage. Seriously considering the Amzer 2800mAh battery/cover so I can have some useful lifetime between plugins. Going a full workday would be dreamy.

Went to a concert the other night and noticed for the first time that the keyboard keys weren't backlit. Made it very difficult to twitter or use the phone in the dark. This was kind of annoying and something I never really thought about on my Curve. standing right next to me on my left, some guy was punching up facebook on his G1, typing away on a fully-lit keyboard. Directly to my right, a dude with a Berry was texting a friend with his backlit keys. I had a twinge of jealousy (and I'll admit a bit of nostalgic remorse). Palm should really get an LED behind those buttons, because seriously. What phone doesn't have lit keys these days?

I bitched about that on and found out the keys ARE lit, but the light is tied to the screen brightness, and it goes off when you have the brightness all the way down like mine was. Kicked the slider up a tad and problem solved.

It's 9 days as a Pre owner now, and on the whole, other than a few minor complaints I've listed above, and the major beef with power, which I feel I can likely address with a 3p battery, I must say I am really loving this phone. Palm has done almost everything right. Most of the things they have done wrong, they can fix. The photo uploading can be tweaked, and the rest of the interface is fantastic. The app catalog is coming along beautifully for such a young platform.

I'm looking forward to trying new apps as they come out, and while I'm terrible at app development and coding, I'm really good at app testing and offering critique and feature ideas, as well as writing and documenting, so I may get involved with some projects at that level in the near future.

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Monday, July 20th, 2009
12:23 pm - Happy Anniversary

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
6:44 pm - My God.
Japan will never change.

(Dig through 1 shovelful of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Friday, June 26th, 2009
11:15 am - Writer's Block: RIP Michael Jackson
In honor of the King of Pop: What is your favorite Michael Jackson song?

Smooth Criminal God I spent years trying to figure out the lyrics to this song, but it was so fun stumbling and stuttering over anyway. Definitely a "Kiss this Guy" contender, but what a fucking groove, and a hell of a dance number. Also the video was just insanely cool. I remember when I saw it the first time and Michael walked into that seedy bar and flipped a coin into the juke-box from all the way across the room and I was just like "HELL YES!"

Honorable mention to Thriller, if only for the legions of recent internet video spinoffs.

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
12:42 pm - Parking memories
I was catching up on xkcd yesterday and came across this strip.

I was instantly transported back to SAIC in Atlanta where there was this one douchebag who used to park his convertible Eclipse JUST like that, taking up two spaces diagonally in the lot. What's more, he used to go out to his car on lunch breaks and after work, and he would actually take off his shirt to drive around with the top down. We would watch and laugh at him from our office window, because he was a complete tool.

So, one of my coworkers and I went to war with him. Since we both drove really ratty subcompacts, neither of us gave a shit if he banged up our doors. We parked right up on either side of his car, about an inch away from his mirrors, so he had to climb into his car to get in. I don't still have the photos, but he was really annoyed at not being able to open his doors, and he was looking around all angry. Then he pulled out really carefully so he didn't scratch his paint.

The next day he parked farther away from the building, and we did it again.

The next day, he parked normally.

(Dig through 1 shovelful of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Monday, April 20th, 2009
1:36 pm - Examples of completely useless people...
Exhibit A - Ethan:

HP's web designers don't know how to make a site that isn't a confusing clusterfuck, and I couldn't figure out which options to select to get the warranty I wanted for a quote I was putting together. Figuring the company's employees would know how to operate the site, I clicked "Chat with an HP Representative" and was greeted by Ethan. Here is the transcript of our conversation.

Guest: Hi Ethan
Ethan: Hi there!
Guest: I have a question about the warranty options.
Guest: when I'm choosing from the drop down menus
Guest: Warranty and service upgrades- 9x5 Next Business Day Onsite Warranty and service upgrades- Accidental Damage Protection
Guest: Do I pick one or the other
Guest: or if I want the ADP, do I have to pick the NBD service also?
Ethan: To clarify,you are looking for an assistance before you purchase, Am I right?
Guest: I'm trying to put together a quote for my boss
Ethan: Great, I appreciate your interest in HP!
Ethan: May I know the HP product line that you are looking to purchase?
Guest: Compaq 6730s
Ethan: Glad to transfer you to the specialist for this product.
Ethan: A few quick questions before we begin to help get you to the right consultant. Are you a government, health or educational institution and will you be reselling this product/solution?
Guest: no, just a small business. I've already got the system specced out, I'm just trying to figure out these warranty options
Ethan: Thank you for the information and your patience. Please hold a moment while I transfer you to a specialist now. Be sure to ask about our solutions that can save your business time and money.
Please wait while I transfer the chat to the best suited sales specialist.

Ethan then transferred me to Chad, who read the above log, and answered my question without needing any further clarification.

(Dig through 1 shovelful of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Sunday, April 5th, 2009
6:30 pm - Fun at Sea.
Transcript of actual ship's radio communications between a U.S. Naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations for a laugh.

"Please change your direction 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."

"Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to south to avoid a collision."

"This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again. Divert your course."

"No. I say again. You divert your course."

"This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise. We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy. Divert your course now."

"This is a lighthouse. It's your call."

(Dig through 3 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Saturday, April 4th, 2009
8:47 pm - In hockey LOLs...
NHL history was made last night. For the first time ever, a player scored a goal AFTER a penalty was whistled against himself.
Here is a much slower play by play, after you've seen it happen at regular speed.

(Dig through 1 shovelful of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Friday, February 6th, 2009
11:23 pm - This guy is going to win American Idol
Mark my words.

If anybody wants to bet a dollar against Adam Lambert, I will be happy to take your money at the end of the season.

(Dig through 1 shovelful of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Sunday, February 1st, 2009
2:24 pm - I would like to say "Frak You" to the SciFi channel
For ending a show with a fantastic cliffhanger, and then spoiling the resolution to that cliffhanger 10 seconds later, in the "next week on Battlestar Galactica" preview, and again in almost EVERY commercial break for the rest of the week on their channel, so even if you DO manage to change the channel or stop your DVR in time to not get spoiled for next week when the preview comes on, you still get a big face-full of it if you watch anything on SciFi at all until next Friday.

Ride a pole, you cretins.

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Saturday, January 31st, 2009
4:02 am - My Life According to Ipod
One of my facebook friends did this and I can't sleep so I'm being a worthless meme-cat. If you can't sleep, or you really want to or something, copy/paste this, delete my answers, and answer the questions using your own iPod.

1. Put the iPod on shuffle.
2. Use it to answer the question.
3. Hit “next."
4. Don't cheat.
Come on in to explore my strange music collection and stranger lifeCollapse )

(Dig through 2 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008
9:45 am - Stone update
I have to lay off the tomatoes.


(Dig through 1 shovelful of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Saturday, December 6th, 2008
1:49 pm - Passing a kidney stone
Is just about the worst thing in the world to wake up to. The pain was bad enough to put me in an aura and make me vomit, and I had no idea what in all the hells was happening to my back. I panicked and called 911, then called my mom. She said it sounded just like when my uncle and grandpa got their kidney stones, and she'd be right over to take me to the hospital so I didn't have to pay for an expensive ambulance ride. The paramedics thought the same thing. By the time I got through triage in the hospital, it had apparently passed, and I was starting to feel better. They ran a CT and didn't see any stones, but there was blood in my piss, so the doctor figured there was a stone but it had gone.

So here's a big fuck you to all you kidney stones out there. Go to hell.

(Dig through 5 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Sunday, November 23rd, 2008
3:21 am - I painted some goblins
For some stupid reason I thought it would be a good idea to get the starter set for Warhammer so I could paint toy soldiers and fight toy wars.

Don't know why I figured this would be a fun hobby, but there it is. I painted a few miniatures when I played D&D in high school. I sucked at painting then, and it's been well over 15 years since I picked up a paint brush. We'll see if I get any better after practicing on a hundred goblins.

I decided my goblins will wear purple. Here are the first 5.

(Dig through 2 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Monday, August 25th, 2008
7:49 pm - Picking my favorite olympic moments
Hard to do, I'm a total junky. I've hardly got any sleep the past two weeks from being glued to the TV and/or internet watching sports I only watch once every four years, but there I'd be at 3AM, knowing I have to get up at 6, watching China play Tadjikistan in Badminton simply because when the best in the world are competing at what they're best at, I am fascinated and can't look away.

I can't not agree with the obvious highlights.

Usain Bolt is just insanely fast, like Son of the Wind God, and watching him smash the competition was just stunning.

Michael Phelps is also a freak of nature. Just fascinating to watch him go to work, and hard not to root for him.

Lesser known, and lesser-credited athletes, however, I think also deserve applause.

Choi Min Ho, of Korea, ipponed his way to the gold medal in 60kg Judo, and he's just a very exciting little guy to watch, and a great sportsman.

The U.S. Women's Fencing team swept the individual sabre competiton, claiming the whole podium for themselves, which was awesome. Becca Ward had a nail-biter comeback from a 6-1 deficit to win the Bronze medal match at La Belle (15-14).

Angel Valodia Matos of Cuba stood up to a corrupt asshole Taekwondo referee making a bullshit call and disqualifying him from a medal match by KICKING THE REFEREE IN THE FACE!

Ultimate wincing moment was shared with anyone who watched Janos Baranyai of Hungary attempt to lift almost twice his body weight in a Snatch, and fail...spectacularly.

Do not click this link if you have a weak stomach.

Finally, here is a small collection of excellent Olympic photography I found.

Sad commentary on Olympic Boxing - there is an approximately 1 in 5 chance this punch scored a point:

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
This is amazing.


(Dig through 3 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Saturday, July 5th, 2008
11:36 am - In honor of those hours and hours arguing over the dice...

(Dig through 2 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Friday, June 27th, 2008
10:35 am - I didn't think...
I'd find ever myself firmly in favor of Justice Alito's jurisprudence, but in this case...

“Different candidates have different strengths,” Justice Alito wrote. “Some are wealthy; others have wealthy supporters who are willing to make large contributions. Some are celebrities; others have the benefit of a well-known family name.”

“Leveling electoral opportunities means making and implementing judgments about which strengths should be permitted to contribute to the outcome of an election,” Justice Alito continued. “The Constitution confers upon voters, not Congress, the power to choose the members of the House of Representatives.”

You tell em, Justice.

(Dig through 1 shovelful of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
8:53 pm - I hate these quiz memes.

But yeah, I guess this one pretty much nailed me to the wall.Collapse )

And fuck how come it lets you post your results but gives me nothing but horse-cock and bullshit?

(Dig through 1 shovelful of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
8:40 pm - Guess who just got a raise?
That's right! Me, baby.

A nice one too...almost exactly enough to cover my car payment. Well, before taxes anyway. The man's always gonna take his share. Whatever though, Cha-ching.

mood: grateful

(Dig through 6 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Sunday, April 27th, 2008
4:54 pm - Brunch and a matinee musical
Wicked is goddamn awesome as hell, and that's pretty much all I have to say about that.

This is the last song from Act I. The witches have been declared outlaws, and the Wizard has sent all the Emerald City Guard to capture them, and they've barricaded themselves atop a tower.

The set was non-stop eye-candy with about 43,000 different gears and sprockets in it, and the change-up to LED-driven art-deco lighting whenever they were in the Emerald City was pretty cool too. Great costumes, and oh, good music too. Thanks to my brother and sister-in-law for the ticket, I had a great time.

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Saturday, April 19th, 2008
3:30 pm - Remember kids, always look on the bright side!
[15:25] St0rmD: so I'm epileptic, and incidentally the mri revealed a brain tumor I didn't know I had.
[15:25] St0rmD: which is most likely benign, but hey, free brain tumor
[15:26] hi3ro5ant: holy balls
[15:26] hi3ro5ant: is that one coming out
[15:27] St0rmD: not in the near future. It's on my right auditory nerve. I'm going for a hearing test next week and we're going to just play it by ear so to speak (ha), and take another mri next year to see if it grows
[15:27] St0rmD: if I get any hearing loss or funnines then we'll bump that schedule up and start discussing removal
[15:27] hi3ro5ant: they don't know if it's cancerous?
[15:27] St0rmD: they're fairly certain it's not
[15:28] St0rmD: I don't know how, but he didn't seem very concerned about it
[15:28] hi3ro5ant: good, because i'm all out of cancer jokes
[15:28] St0rmD: yeah I'm all out of cancer jokes too, and I just gave away all my damn hair
[15:28] St0rmD: wouldn't that be ironic
[15:28] hi3ro5ant: like rain on your wedding day
[15:29] hi3ro5ant: or, cancer.

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Thursday, April 17th, 2008
2:51 pm - :3

(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Monday, April 14th, 2008
12:30 pm - Dear Universal Studios,
Easter was a month ago and yet you are still having Mardi Gras.


(Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

Friday, April 11th, 2008
8:18 pm - Haircut
It's been over 2 years since a blade last touched these tresses, but another Florida summer of hair-farming just wasn't going to happen, and now it's all gone, so a little girl with cancer can get a free wig.

I sat down in the chair and asked the lady if she'd ever cut hair for Locks of Love before, to make sure she knew not to untie it or let it drop on the floor. She had, and added that my haircut was free, which was a nice surprise. She didn't waste any time with the scissors before we even got to talking about what we were going to do with the rest of my head. Even though I knew it was coming, I hadn't REALLY prepared myself for the shock of losing 2 years of growth and care in 3 quick snips and my eyes started to redden up. She asked if I was going to cry.

"No," but my voice cracked.

No photos of the new rag yet, but I'll post a few later this weekend.

(Dig through 7 shovelfuls of dirt | Shovel some dirt on this skeleton)

> older skeletons
> top of the dirtheap